Going Home Again
by IctCowgrrl
Summary: A post-"Lead" one-shot. Olivia goes to talk to Alex about being ignored.


**Happy New Year everyone! I am digging out some stories I've written previously and I am going to post them here. Look for an update to "Needed You" very soon. I hope you enjoy this one-shot. It was an attempt to explain why Alex ignored Olivia when she came back for WitSec, a post-"Lead" fic. **

**As always, read and review to let me know what you thought of it. **

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Alex Cabot saw the dark figure sitting on the cold stone steps of the courthouse as she walked outside after another hectic day. She gave the figure no more than a glance, assuming it was someone waiting for a ride or taking a short breather from work, and continued on her way down the steps, passing near the seated person. Her heels clicked against the stone as her confident stride took her down them toward the sidewalk and the way to the parking garage without pause, until she heard the voice.

"I was angry at you for a long time when I saw your picture in the paper announcing you as the new Bureau Chief." The voice reached Cabot's ears, though the words were said softly. "You had your life back and I wasn't included. I wasn't wanted."

Alex turned then, looking at the huddled figure finally and stepped toward it. She opened her mouth to speak, but a hand came up to stop her.

"Three years is a long time Alex. I tried calling you, but those calls were never returned. So finally, I stopped trying. Then I saw your engagement announcement and…well, that was the final straw. You were with someone else and that….was that."

Alex sat down besides the figure with a soft sigh. Feelings of shame, embarrassment and guilt mingling together.

"Liv…"

Olivia Benson's gloved hand reached over and touched Alex's arm, asking silently for another moment.

"Today, I realized something. I realized I was a fool." She looked at Alex with her dark eyes reflecting in streetlamps and passing cars. Her grip tightened just a bit on Alex's forearm.

"Today, I realized that 1-6 is still the same distance from Hogan Place as it always had been and if, if I really loved you like I thought I did, instead of being hurt and angry, I could have taken those first steps between us and not waited for you to do it. I'm just as guilty as you are Alex. I let my pride and my stubbornness and my fear stand between us."

Olivia turned to the street again, watching the traffic whiz by without really seeing it. "I have no right to be angry with you, not now, not anymore."

Alex felt her eyes tear up as she watched Olivia and heard the emotions in the voice she never thought she would hear again. It was time to make amends, bury the recent past and perhaps begin again.

"Liv…," her voice was husked with emotion, so she paused to clear it.

"I was so lost when I came back here. Everything had changed while I was gone. My mother was dead, I had a new job with new people….it was overwhelming. I spent the next few months in a daze. Plus, I was still looking over my shoulder whenever I went out. I was still expecting someone to be gunning for me, even though Hammond had said it was safe. For awhile, I just went back forth from work and my apartment. Constantly looking over your shoulder is draining and I was tried of it, so I guess I hid."

Olivia looked over at her former lover, taking hold of her hand in a show of support as Alex finally unburdened herself.

"When I had to leave the second time…I couldn't face you and say goodbye again. The first time….God, Liv, the first time nearly killed me." She paused again as she wiped away the tears falling down her cheeks. She shivered in the cold and scooted closer to Olivia for warmth, not wanting to break the moment by going inside somewhere.

"I couldn't break your heart again. Then, when I came back, I was still looking over my shoulder, expecting Hammond to knock on my door and tell me that they had made a mistake and I was going away again. How was I supposed to pick up where we left off without knowing if I was back for good or if I would have to leave again?"

Alex looked at Olivia's face and saw tears reflecting on the other woman's cheeks as well. "I couldn't do that to you, not again."

"Three years Alex," Liv's voice was soft, not accusing, but curious.

Alex sniffled and nodded slightly.

"I know, I know. It seems like a long time, but really, it passed by so quickly," she trailed off as the memories of the past three years flashed before her. "I got your messages, I wanted to call you so badly, but I couldn't risk it again. I couldn't hurt you again. I thought by staying away…," she chuckled bitterly. "Pretty fucking stupid, huh?"

Olivia raised a brow as the curse word left Alex's lips, but didn't admonish her.

"So, now…?" Olivia's dark eyes met the blue ones as the sky darkened.

"So, now I want to put the last three years behind me and do what I should have done when I came back." She held Olivia's hand in between her own, tears flowing gently down her face. "I want to come home Liv."

Olivia Benson sucked in a surprised breath, biting her bottom lip gently to trap the sob which yearned to escape. The time for resentment was past and her future was before her. Her heart beat rapidly in joy and she could only manage to nod.

Alex took the brunette in her arms and they cried together. They cried for the time they missed together, for the pain caused by their separation, but mostly, they cried in joy.

Finally, Alex Cabot was home.


End file.
